“Our parents, our children, our spouses, and our friends will continue to press every button we have, until we realize what it is that we don't want to know about ourselves, yet. They will point us to our freedom every time.” Byron Katie A few weeks ago, I was lucky to attend a seminar by Byron Katie at Stanford University. I had read one of her famous books years ago and I was familiar of "The Work", but I decided to go with my daughter and see this amazing lady in person and hear her story once more. I know there are a lot of people who have already heard about her and her work since it has been around for over twenty years, but I thought there are many others who have not or might have forgotten how to use the process. This process is, in essence, a flashlight in our emergency toolkit when life gets dark and we need to find our way back home.
When she came on stage, I noticed a certain calmness and serenity in her voice and gestures. She didn't have a pre-made script and was briefly introduced by the facilitator and answered all her questions. The first question asked about her motive for creating her methodology and how it works. Other related questions were asked and she answered them briefly and to the point. She then asked us to answer the questions in the worksheet we were given, and then she started taking questions from the audience. Up until that moment, it was just a regular information session and I suppose we were just curious to learn more about her and her process. A lady from the audience asked her how she could get her teenage son to show up for his breakfast and get ready for school every morning without being asked one hundred times. Everyone giggled as I suppose this applied to many others, but she looked quite serious. Byron then asked her a couple specific questions and gave her some tips, which essentially made the lady cry while thanking her for the insightful guidance. This is when we all realized how powerful and practical "The Work" really is. It is not a complicated process but rather a series of smart and constructive questions that make you think hard and realize things first-hand for yourself. What is "The Work"? Before summarizing the process, I think it is necessary to mention why Byron came up with this inquisition process that she calls "The Work". Byron Katie was severely depressed in her early thirties and for almost a decade, she experienced rage, self-loathing, and constant thoughts of suicide. Then one morning, she experienced a life-changing realization that she called “waking up to reality.” She realized that when she believed her negative and self-loathing thoughts, she suffered and would become depressed, but once she didn't, she experienced peace and freedom. She realized that the world around her was not the cause of her depression, instead, it was her thoughts and beliefs about the world around her that were the culprit. She determined that in order to live happily and peacefully, she would need to accept "what is" and forget about trying to change the world to match her thoughts, but rather, change her thoughts to match her reality. Since then, she has brought "The Work" to millions of people across the world - at free public events, in prisons, hospitals, churches, corporations, universities, schools, at weekend workshops, at her amazing nine-day School for The Work, and through the Institute for The Work. The process starts by answering six questions on a one pager form entitled "Judging Your Neighbor Worksheet". It requires stillness and introspection. To do the work, you have to think of a situation or person who has made you suffer, angry or depressed, and try to answer the following questions without thinking too hard for the answers, but instead letting them come to you freely and organically:
Now investigate each of the above statements using the four questions while allowing yourself time for deeper answers:
Now turn the thought around. For the turnaround to statement 6, replace the words “I don’t ever want to...” with “I am willing to...” and “I look forward to...” Until you can look forward to all aspects of life without fear, your Work is not done.
Then try to find at least three specific, genuine examples of how each turnaround is true for you in this situation. This is when the magic happens! You will prove to yourself that the opposite of your statements are also true by finding three examples for each statement. This is when you realize how your thoughts trick you to believe that you are a victim of the situation and how you can as easily turn those thoughts around and prove that the opposite is equally true. Byron Katie describes the process, a smooth and subtle recovery that we often don't feel is happening. She shows us that placing the blame or judgment on someone else leaves us powerless and that taking responsibility for our beliefs and judgments gives us the power to change them. She teaches us that the cause of suffering is never "out there" but rather "inside", and as long as we play the role of a victim that things happen to, we will suffer and the situation will always be out of our control. Byron tells us that it is not our thoughts, but our attachment to and belief in them that make us suffer. In essence, the inquiry or "The Work" is an inquisitive process to question our thoughts and beliefs, and to gave us an opportunity to distance ourselves from what is self-made and not real. She provides many tutorial videos to help her students step-by-step through the process. Her website and her work are translated into over thirty five languages.
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